selfimmolates | week 4; saturday

Go ahead.

[Newt helps himself to the nearest chair, though he's still eyeing the gun. It'd be kind of funny if Ray just shot him now, though, he has to admit.]

I killed Hector because he was Ruin's other follower. I killed Ruin because I didn't want her causing me trouble after I defected, since there was no way she was ever going to win this. I chose wrong at the start of the game.

[He shrugs. It's matter-of-fact, but he's lost the arrogance he had in those last moments of the trial.]

As for Ai... Well, someone asked me to. That's not my secret to tell, but whether you'll believe me or not, I didn't want to kill her. There's more to it all, of course, but those are the cliffnotes.

Ah, so you were with Ruin, not Luna. Guess that's one part of my theory that was wrong.

... Well, shit. Tell me it's not Patience, at least.

I was. I should've known her reputation would doom her from the start.

[But what can ya do?]

Patience has nothing to do with any of it. She didn't even know what I was planning.

[...]

You can trust her, you know. I know my word's not worth shit, but I don't know why the gods are suspicious of her.

It's less outright suspicion as so much they don't know what to make of her. For me, it's a matter of being cautious.

Is that "someone" still around, then?

No, they're not. Things didn't go exactly to plan.

[OBVIOUSLY.]

Caution is smart, that's for sure. I have to say, I'm surprised you had to use your little power to find me out. I thought for sure I was a goner as soon as you all figured out my Mutiny trick.

[He shrugs.]

Then again, I expected you to figure out what happened with Hector's murder too, but, eh. I lowered my expectations. You did better this week, though! Congrats.

Your trick was pretty suspicious, which is why I used it on you. If I'd accused you and been wrong, your death would've been on my head, and that's a hefty risk.

... Y'know, why bother killing if you expect to be found out each time?

Oh, my death is still on your head, buddy. Sentencing someone to die is still, well, sentencing someone to die. It's all about whether or not you feel it's justified.

[He runs his index finger over the arm of the chair, thinking.]

That... is an awfully good question.

Oh, I'm fine with that. I've never pretended to be a nice guy. It just wouldn't have been great if you were actually innocent.

Are you going to answer it?

[He chews on his lip for a long moment.]

I would if I knew how. Annoying, isn't it? I don't have answers to any of the big questions.

Um, what?

[He lets out a breath.]

I refuse to accept that I've been caught by an idiot. What do you think I mean, Ray? I don't know. I don't know why I've done half the shit I've done here.

That would explain your mood swings towards the end, but unless you suspect that a god here or whatever brainwashed you, that also sounds like a personal problem?

We're all here because of personal problems. All of us have something we want really, really bad, remember?

[It's a sore spot. Newt's in no position to bristle with a gun pointed at him, but he's still irritated.]

Anyway, I've asked the gods. They've been less than helpful.

[a scoff.]

And what's yours, to get your head screwed on straight?

[he shrugs.]

Well, if this is all 'cause of some kind of brainwashing crap, then I'll give you some sympathy. Still your head on the chopping block, though, especially since I doubt Disorder's keen to save you over her other follower. I'll be very impressed if you survive next Monday.

Yes.

[It comes out immediately, urgently, and his eyes flick up to meet Ray's with desperation before he shakes it off. He clears his throat, and then he's back to business.]

Oh, I'm Disorder's golden child. I don't expect she'll save me because the cat's out of the bag and it'd be bad for her image to be caught sympathizing with a godkiller, but I'm certain she'd spare me if she could get away with it.

... I'd say good luck, but the chances of Disorder winning and your wish being granted at this point are pretty damn low. Sorry.

[...]

Well, yeah. That's the issue: die by lightning strike on Monday or die via one of the other participants going straight for your throat anyway. Take your pick.

Are you, though? Sorry for me?

[He glances at the gun, pressing x to doubt.]

Obviously I'd prefer getting smote, but I gotta say, it'd be interesting to see who'd win the race to kill me. It'd be an easy trial for you all, at least.

I'm sorry that you're apparently brainwashed or whatever? Not enough to try and save you or not kill you if you tried anything funny, though.

I think Oda would probably be first.

[His expression tightens.]

I'm not brainwashed. Don't be stupid. Oda's gonna be a bit slower after all the trouble you guys went through stopping him, though. I suppose I should thank you for that, but it's not like you've done anything but delay the inevitable.

Then it's a good thing I didn't do it for your sake, hmm?

So, if you didn't get caught, what was your next plan of action?

Of course not. If he would've killed me, I bet the rest of you would've still needed to vote.

[Cunning and Ambition likely wouldn't have gone soft and called a mistrial.]

Come to think of it, maybe I'm the good samaritan after all. What would've happened had you all been forced to start from zero again? I imagine everyone left alive afterward would've developed some serious trust issues. I gave you the gift of a common enemy.

[look it's newt during this conversation.]

I would've recruited more followers for the alliance Cunning, Ambition, and Disorder have going. Eventually I would've moved to Ambition myself, assuming her numbers continued to hold.

[And now, to address the elephant in the room:]

I wasn't planning to kill anyone else unless they tried to kill me first.

[he raises an eyebrow.]

You know, I could believe that, but it would be a lot more meaningful of a statement if you hadn't just killed three people already.

What if Luna were still alive?

You know what, that's fair. It's true, but I don't blame you for not believing me.

[He shrugs.]

If Luna were still alive... Eh. Just because we teamed up for one night doesn't mean we'd be permanent allies. Since she was playing for Ambition, I would've been inclined to help her out during trials, but if she wanted to keep killing? She could get her own hands dirty.

Makes sense. I would've been kind of surprised if you told me that you two were secretly best friends.

Hardly. Don't get me wrong, I liked her well enough, but the alliance was just a happy accident. Mutually beneficial at the time, and maybe even in the future, but I'm here for myself and so is she.

week 4; saturday

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